i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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