So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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