I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
This house was built for laser tag.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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