The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
