And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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