so that wasnt chicken after all
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
