she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
