I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
