I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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