FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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