She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
