You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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