His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
