In the future we'll all be gay
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
