TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
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her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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