How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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