Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
