I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My dad just said "fuck circus"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
