I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
