Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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