CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We left the knife in your bed.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
