I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
