i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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