who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
