i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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