SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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