i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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