he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
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I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
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& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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