Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
