goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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