We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
