I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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