I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
