hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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