Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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