I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
