i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
