I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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