Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
