Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
