i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
