Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
