he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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