Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my being single is dangerous.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
