You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
These tits shall not be calmed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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