census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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