Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
