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You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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