Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
