He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
