I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
