I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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