Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
