There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
