Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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