having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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