I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
