I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
