You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
