My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
birth control should be required to get into college
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
