I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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