i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
