a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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