You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
