when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
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How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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